Just rambling...!

The leaves are almost gone and it's raining. There's something soothing about the rain when you're in pyjamas, sipping hot cocoa your amazing husband made you while perusing Pinterest. It's not like I don't have things to do, I've got oodles. However, my interest these days seem to have dwindled and I feel myself losing interest. Every now and then I feel myself slipping backwards instead of forward and I'm at a lost as to how to snap out of it. I remember growing up always thinking the glass was half full. Life was always good no matter how bad things became. What has happened? Where has that zest gone? Why can't I see what is wonderful around me? I'm so tired. Surrounded by teenage angst seem to drain my soul. I just want to run away. Wouldn't it be great if mothers could retreat to somewhere serene and tranquil just long enough to recharge.? I am one of the luckiest woman in the world. I have an amazing husband who loves me to pieces. He has been my best friend for the last 24 years. He has wiped many of my tears while shouldering some of the burdens I've carried throughout my life. He has fathered 6 very passionate individuals whom we call our children. He too has become tired and weary and yet he's never fail to comfort me. I'm glad I'm writing this down. With each word or sentence, I feel as if bits and pieces of my chaos is starting to crumble. Maybe I can write away the sadness I feel inside instead of weeping. I wake up with the hope that each day will bring a fresher perspective, that maybe, just maybe, I will feel happy today. I think the problem I face is that I feel things deeply. When I'm happy, I feel it bubbling up inside me, spreading throughout me like a cheerful stream. It spills into everything I do or touch and I experience joy. I want to hold it close to me and never let go. Oh, how I cherish these moments. When that feeling leaves me to be replaced by another emotion, I'm sometimes resentful at the shift. I need to learn to embrace each new feeling but I don't know how. I remember hearing about the death of a young man one day and I cried for a week for a mother who had lost a piece of herself. I never knew the mother or son but I just felt this intense loss on her behalf. It scares me to think what would happen to me if that day ever came where my loss was as great. With each new experience I eventually move on and become preoccupied with the latest crisis in my crazy life. That's the thing about emotions, they are fleeting and last only long enough to tease or fool you into thinking you've got it together. Maybe I'm just crazy, maybe, this is just the mad rambling of a lost soul. Either way, I need to snap out of it and get on with life around me. I can't afford to let time go by, only the very young have that luxury. Lets just chalk this up as the post about nothing, lol!

 

Posted with Blogsy