On Leaving Home...



I've started  a new blog update many times only to find that I either have nothing worth saying or was super busy and just didn't finish it. I'm not sure how this year will be but I've decided that I will try to blog once a month, thus taking the pressure off, to update every moment of my life.  I realize that my life is not as exciting as the next, but oh well, what can you do?  There were so many great memories that were created in 2011 that I wish I had recorded but it didn't happen,  So I've decided that I will include excerpts of 2011 in this year's attempt.  January started off with Darren, Chelsea and I in a different country. (I will blog more about the trip later).  It was a bittersweet experience for us.  As parents of 6 children, we expected the day would come where we would have to say goodbye to our children one by one and I would be a liar if I said there wasn't a sense of relief in that statement, lol!   However when the time comes to drop your child off in another country all by herself, the whole "nurturing, mothering , wanting to wrap your child in your arms and bring them home" instincts kicked in.  Chelsea was leaving for BYU Idaho and she is the first of all 6 to have left the nest, as in moving away, far, far away. 
Sure we spent 6 days traveling through 4 states and driving 2,000 miles to accomplish this task.  We saw many beautiful scenery, met many people, saw some strange things but nothing compares to that moment when you have to drive away and leave your daughter standing in a snowy, cold parking lot waving goodbye.
Oh sure I was very brave...I didn't break down once!  I was strong during the trip to Ikea when we were buying all the lovely Ikea stuff.  I was strong when we were sitting in the Olive Garden eating supper and listening to BYU tudents tell Chelsea how great life was going to be.  Heck, I was even amazing buying groceries the morning of our leave-taking.  You should have seen me going up and down the Walmart aisles throwing things into the cart and oohing and aahing over seeing church stuff being sold in Wal
I was strong to the very end and when that car pulled out of sight I cried like a mother who had lost her child.  I'm crying just writing about it.  Who knew, after years of sacrificing, laughing crying, yelling cheering, holding, praying, worrying, it would come down to this moment...that it would be so difficult when you have to let your child go and spread their wings.  Who knew that when all those times, I couldn't wait as a mother to have a break from all the noise and arguing, yelling and fighting, that it would come down to this moment when you just want all your children to be little again so you can keep them with you forever.
I long for those days.  I have made so many mistakes learning to be a mom, that I wish I could just start all over again...okay, maybe just redo some things!  Either way, I wish I could have done better, who doesn't?  However this post is not about the mistakes I've made, so much as the fierce love I have for my children.  Even with my mistakes, I recognize also that we did alright, Darren and I.  Chelsea is a lovely young woman who has strong survival instincts.  She is smart and beautiful,  I have trust and faith in her that she will go on and become the woman she wants to be and be a better mom than I ever was.  After all isn't that what every mother wants for their children...to know that they will be better than them in their endeavors? 
I hope that one day when she is saying goodbye to her children, she will hold it in until the car pulls away to weep like a mom would and then celebrate her child's accomplishments and sweet memories while making new ones from afar.